Is This Really Messed Up?

i feel like my mind is really messed up. I keep thinking about my parents dying, so every time they leave, i worry and say i love a lot before they leave. And it depresses me when i look in the mirror because i feel ugly but im still not motivated enough to loose weight. And im saying all this on the internet because i don’t want to be weak and talk about it to my best friend about it. And i feel so lonely all the time.And sometimes i wish something bad would happen to me, so someone would pay attention to me. And i cant start convos with anyone unless it someone i really know. I cant keep the convo going. And when im alone i feel like there something behind me, there never is though. And im always doubting myself and i cant making simple choices. Im super insecure, i hate looking in mirrors. And i eat and watch movies to get away from everything, i don’t want to think about it. By the way im a girl, 13 , 5’3″ and 130 lbs , is that really bad ?